Human Nature.

I've been meaning to blog, and I'm sorry I haven't been posting for ages, but hey, who gives a damn anyway? Call it my winter hiatus if you wish, but the desire to write has been somewhat lacking. I'm beyond my muse at the moment. Which might be why I haven't been bothered about recording the thoughts down onto a post. That doesn't mean to say I've been busy doing jack-shit - I've just been too lazy to sit down and concentrate drafting something decent after spending all day in the office doing exactly that.

Excuse the snarkiness, but because my life sucks, winter blues get me slumped and S.A.D., which is, for the uninitiated, otherwise known as Seasonal Affective Disorder. People who live or used to live in the Big Smoke would know how vibrant the weather can get here. But Spring's a time of reflection, dedication and renewal, and I'm looking forward to it with great expectations.

Since the last post, I've been well distracted by work, travel, and just life in general. You might have heard about it, but I've managed to squeeze in a few trips since November to Singapore, Vietnam, Cambodia, Hong Kong, and Brussels. Where are the pics, you ask. Well, depending on the mood, you might get to ogle at a few select shots in a few weeks' time (for your Friday viewing pleasure) and, if you're lucky, read some faux-Bill Bryson-ish travel musings (for your Sunday reading pleasure!)

A rough snapshot of my real life these days, since the last post:::: Trip to Singapore, Cambodia and Nam in November:::: Started a 3-months seat in Structured Finance in December:::: Spent what most people persist in passing as a Christian celebration (oh yeah, Christmas) cosying up with close mates::::: Experienced my first NYE in London - with 200,000 other revellers along the riverbank watching an amazing fireworks session with a bottle of Moet and a good mate and thereafter to a neighbour's well-stocked up house party::::: Getting shafted with work 24/7 all January:::: Closed my deal end-February and rushed to Heathrow for another trip to Singapore and Hong Kong in February - Ps/ it sucks to be back in cold, wintry conditions after 2 weeks on the beaches:::: Started a 3-months seat in EU Litigation two weeks ago:::: quick, brief, working/training trip to Brussels last week - why can't all training be held overseas?

Some thoughts on... (kinda disjointed - quite like myself)

Chief regret over the past 6 months: Not making it to DC to visit a mate of mine who will now be leaving the US of A without the opportunity of physically bullying me into buying her the Manolos she so fucking badly wants! Phew.

As I watch many of my friends and family get married and have children, I look back at my life as it was and as it currently is and I am happy to say that I am satisfied with the way it is moving. I'm chuffed to see them happily settled down and all, but I think something that everyone needs to bear in mind is that not everyone wants the same things in life. I've always thought that one day I might do the same and settle down, but I've reached the conclusion that after countless trials and errors I could equally be happy being single, hard-working and trying to lead a productive life - despite the fact that I feel like my 20s are moving on more quickly than it really should!

I will readily admit the fact that I can be quite the nightmare control freak and, to people like us, it is disheartening to discover that there are many things in life we can but try to fashion to our liking. These days, my sole goal is to stop the whinging and discover as much as I can about myself. Sadly, I've come to realise that I will never fit neatly into one category and frustratingly enough, unlike the suits I get tailored, there will never be a bespoke mould to fit me, and I probably will never fit into conventional categories.

I adore making people happy but I will never be able to make everyone happy and I will disappoint people - even as I try to embrace their love - without fulfilling their original expectations of me. But I can't control what others think of me. I've been built the way I have, and I make no excuses for the things I do and way I live. I might spend some time worrying about what you think about me, but as I grow older I might get better at muting such worries.

I'm still in love with London and I feel more secure about exploring the bits of it that aren't in the Lonely Planets. There's so much so indulge in and so little time to do so. The food is getting better and the weather is almost bearable, but still it's hard to imagine how long I'll be around for and where would I go. The people are a stoic bunch and 7/7 has affirmed my admiration of them. It's easy to be flippant but I love this "shit happens, let's move on" attitude and how everyone was more pissed off at the fact that the tubes were down and they couldn't get to work on time than anything else. But a quick rant to Ken: get it going with the bloody tubes, mate! They smell! Of piss! $£%

In a sense, the multiculturalism here reminds me of my homestead but it's easy to realise now why I fled so readily. Just to put you in the picture, I love my family and my friends to bits, and I don't know what I would do without them. I have been blessed with caring and loving parents and a sister and a handful of close friends that I wouldn't swap for a pair of screaming hot Dior Homme jeans. Home is a great place to live in and one of the most comfortable cities in the world. As a perfect example, the efficacy with which the airport operates for locals and tourists alike is a source of immeasurable pride. Nowhere else can you walk out of your belt, go through the immigration customs, grab your luggage and walk out in - I shit you not - 5 minutes.

But I fled. Not for the money - dear god, no. Not even for (or from) a person. I fled because I was in atrophy and I needed to find myself. I didn't want to remain stifled all my life and the fact was I couldn't operate without a vague feeling of feeling shortchanged from all the shit and people around me. This doesn't of course take away the fact that I love my home. But I also love change and I dig a society where people have the freedom of speech and the freedom of life and the right to freedom, however ethereal and utopian that might sound.

Madonna says it aptly: I'm not your bitch - don't hang your shit on me.